Unconditional positive regard (UPR) is a term credited to humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers and is used in client-centered therapy. Practicing unconditional positive regard means accepting and respecting others as they are without judgment or evaluation.
This is a terminology used by Carl Rogers to describe a technique in client centered therapy. What this means is that a Therapist will support the client whether they are explaining what we would consider to be bad behaviors or good behaviors.
Recently, my favourite Podcast called “Dear Sugar” on WBUR which is hosted by Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond. Cheryl advised that she uses the UPR technique which her friends and family members over the years and it has worked wonders. It really got me thinking about my prejudgment of my friends and family with their relationship and work struggles. Because I may have not be able to handle the situation better.
HOWEVER, I am really struggling with one scenario. I can’t get the situation out of my head and I can’t understand why they would beg this person to stay with them. An acquaintance of mines boyfriend (who I am good/best friends with) messaged my friend saying he is now single and about a dream he had about her. The kicker is here, he was still taken. Things were super rocky in the relationship, but they were not officially over. Now my friend who got the message, did not humor him she was incredibly platonic. To my eye, there was nothing wrong in how my friend reacted.
The girlfriend went through his phone (<- this situation is a whole other kettle of fish) she found the messages and blamed my friend. I honestly do not think she read all the messages, because she would have seen my friend was questioning him. I think her brain has warped what she “thinks” she saw. I got dragged into this muck, believe me I tried to stay out. It is clearly a communication error between them both.
It seemed she was going to leave him, she put up a big stink about the whole thing. She even said “You of all people should know how I feel right now” – Low blow. (in reference to my cheating ex husband)
BUT – She STAYED. she BEGGED him to take her back. After everything, all the drama she caused.
And, I don’t know how I can hold her in Unconditional Positive Regard. I am trying!