I really struggled growing up with two parents that were separated. Not in the obvious-dreamy-child like way where I wanted them to get back together.
But more so in the inconsistency of information and different forms of parenting I was given during my prime development years. I believe I missed quite huge amounts of growth because my parents always assumed the other parent had told me.
An example of this was when I was 6, my dads best friends daughter had down-syndrome. (at this age I did not know what this was) I always knew she was “different” but I liked that about her. Her older brother had schizophrenia. (I also did not know he had this) One day it was my friends idea to make signs and stick them up all around the house, they had nonsense like the toilet wasn’t the toilet but kitchen, you know kid stuff? My friend decided to write that her brother was mean and stick it on his door. It said “Nathan is Mean” he had an episode due to it and was screaming and yelling, i was beyond terrified. I was sent home and was in loads of trouble and had to do all these chores for weeks. The problem with this situation is my dad assumed I knew why. I could never ask him for clarification because he would always get angrier.
Years later, my mum brought it up when we saw a down-syndrome girl walking past us. My mum said you were so insensitive in that situation. I said to her that I never knew she had that, no one ever told me? How was I supposed to know? (this happens all the time with both parents) All I remember is that I missed out on hotdogs!
Another example, was when I got my period. My Step-mum gave me this book which was clearly one you do as mother and daughter. It even had bits in the book like “Explain how tampons work to your daughter” but nothing further. So much guess work as a child.
Plus my mum is a hippie/criminal/creative type and my dad is straight edge/emotionless/quiet type and my stepmum is the I have my own kids to worry about type.
Anyways, please be consistent and clear with your parenting. Talk to your child, tell them everything. EVEN, if you think they know.
I could write a book on this topic alone, I have hundreds of examples.