Memories

“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
― Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

Isn’t it weird how your senses can evoke a feeling so painful, that you can forget where you are or what you were doing?

I was collecting my boyfriend from the airport on Friday night and I knew exactly where I was going. I had driven this road before and usually I knew what was up ahead. I will divert my attention else where or talk to my boyfriend and pretend I do not see it. I do not see the art on the side of the freeway.

The art being wire that is held up by two poles that is formed in a way to show a house, which the light reflects at night, making it seem luminous.

When I was 8 years old, my mother went to jail. The route to this jail, we would pass this art wired house. Even at 8 years old, I would look at this house and think how ironic it was. To see it on the long trip to visit my mum and on the journey back. It would always cause a lump in my throat, to know that this dream house which in my mind, came with a perfect family was never achievable for me. For reasons completely out of my control.

I have now learnt to accept, that I do not have a soul connection with my mother or father. And you know what? – that is okay.

But, every time I see this house it reminds me of years of psychology and pain. Every year it gets slightly easier.

But Friday night, when I stared directly at it, I missed my turn.

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