Hi, I am a big mess.

Today instead of counting my change well in advance before I got to my favorite coffee shop, I ordered my coffee at their counter and gathered my coins that were sporadically strewn through my bag, because today I am clearly reckless.


Yumi Sakugawa.jpg
Image credit: Artist, Yumi Sakugawa


Do you ever have days that you are yearning a presence so much that it begins to be unbearable.

Passing souls, you feel a sharp shallow disturbance. They appear numb to your afflictions, continuing with their everyday errands.

They all seem so blissfully unaware your heart is in deep anguish, your world is collapsing.


Image credit – Growth/Decay, Artist: Jennifer Parks




The Girls – Emma Cline

I finished this book in two days, wow. It is such an easy read, makes you relive that teenage anguish in a way that I have not felt when reading in a long time. This book is has a strong Charles Mason cult story line. In a different way,  it makes you look at the followers in a different way.

Some of my favourite quotes are as below:

“That was part of being a girl–you were resigned to whatever feedback you’d get. If you got mad, you were crazy, and if you didn’t react, you were a bitch. The only thing you could do was smile from the corner they’d backed you into. Implicate yourself in the joke even if the joke was always on you.”
― Emma Cline, The Girls

“So much of desire, at that age, was a willful act. Trying so hard to slur the rough, disappointing edges of boys into the shape of someone we could love. We spoke of our desperate need for them with rote and familiar words, like we were reading lines from a play. Later I would see this: how impersonal and grasping our love was, pinging around the universe, hoping for a host to give form to our wishes.”
― Emma Cline, The Girls

This book made me cringe so much at my own adolescence years, the yearn to be noticed.

Reminder – Be a BISMUTH!

Always be writing, gain new experiences, be curious, show vulnerability, take great risks and ALWAYS ask questions!

The picture above is a Bismuth, which are typically laboratory grown. However aren’t they unique? In regards to the properties of a Bismuth it is said to aid with symptoms of isolation, both spiritually and emotionally. THIS IS A STONE OF TRANSFORMATION. It is said that the power of wisdom can be actualized through Bismuth.

Spinster: Making a Life of One’s Own – Kate Bolick

“The first thing that struck me was how the single women of my acquaintance were exceptionally alert to the people around them, generous in their attention, ready to engage in conversation or share a joke. Having nobody to go home to at night had always seemed a sad and lonesome fate; now I saw that being forced to leave the house for human contact encourages a person to live more fully in the world. In the best instances, the result was an intricate lacework of friendships varying in intensity and closeness that could be, it seemed, just as sustaining as a nuclear family, and possibly more appealing.”
― Kate Bolick, Spinster: Making a Life of One’s Own

This book is about women who don’t want to get married and have kids. Don’t get me wrong, it can also be for the women who aren’t sure what they want. It has some great points, however some parts are a bit loosely written. I wish I had of read this book in my teens! It would have assisted me through so many relationships and I may have not damaged as many hearts along my journey.

If you are single, mid twenties wondering about life?! Get this book. Heck, get the book if you are in a relationship. It explains so much, goes down some paths in which I have blamed previous partners for, when in fact it was me. I require some independence, I don’t want the picket white fence life. You know what? THAT IS OK! It is all GRAVY.

Anyways, I don’t want to give too much away. Just get a copy!


Ann Patchett – A State of Wonder

“Hope is a horrible thing, you know. I don’t know who decided to package hope as a virtue because it’s not. It’s a plague. Hope is like walking around with a fishhook in your mouth and somebody just keeps pulling it and pulling it.”
― Ann Patchett – A State of Wonder

I finished Ann Patchett’s State of Wonder book today, The above quote is cemented in my mind since it jumped off the page at me. I had to share this quote, for I believe we would all have very different interpretations of this quote and book. I have always been so full of hope with an extremely positive outlook on the world. (which drives most of my family and friends crazy)  I hold an expectant hope that there is always something better up ahead. But perhaps it is better if I live in the now and be here now. Instead of constantly hoping for new things. Just a thought. #books