Strange sort of nothings

My work is going through the whole downsizing smut, which is about being more cost effective, efficient, bla bla bla. It makes no sense, they have hired “State Managers” which value up to three staff members salary, where is the logic in that decision? It is a sad time for all my coworkers and the people being shafted, must I mention – so close to xmas?

Now, my work often uses the phrase “we are like a family” – ugh. That is exactly what it is like, you have the Uncle/co-worker who is beyond inappropriate, the aunty/boss that shares to much information and the sibling/colleague who is constantly needing attention and affection. And now, they are deciding to “Stop Talking” to the ones that are too difficult.

The issue is, I was promised so much when I started. I was told I would be dealing with things on a national scale, not a state based. I was pretty much become a PA to a whole bunch of people and that is not what I signed up for.

 

 

 

 

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Talking to people making memories

Usually on a weekend, I’ll have one day out with friends and the rest I’ll lay on the couch watching Netflix.

As I’m getting older, I am realising that life is about human connection. that is how you learn the most about yourself.

On Friday night, I went out with my pal Kim, we went for dinner, which was super tasty. he is a lovely friend, super lonely, but he has a big heart.

Saturday, day, I went to this art gallery, my gosh, so interactive. I have never been to an art display like that. I caught up with one of my closest friends, old housemate, who doesn’t have many friends here. she was super cool.

Saturday night my boyfriend and I went to the movies and saw fantastic beasts and where to find them, I loved it. so gooooooood.

The top picture is from a place I went to lunch, with my friend. so lovely.

Make the effort to explore and create new things.

Blood dripping Dolls?

The last few weeks there has been protestors outside an abortion clinic near my work, freedom of speech stopped me from intervening. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. (even if it is wrong)

This week there has been loads more than usual, I know being Tuesday the week that to say all week, sounds bit presumptuous but in the last two days it has been crazy busy out the front. Today I noticed they had fake plastic dolls, covered in fake blood with all other gory stuff hanging off their outfits. It was a horrific sight.

I went out to lunch and as a lady was leaving the clinic one of the girls with the fake blood on them went to grab her, to get her to look at them and the sign. Now, I am for abortions, I don’t think there is two kinds of women, like the ones that have abortions and the ones that don’t? I don’t think that’s a thing. I think they are the same women just at very different stages of their life. Sometimes the abortion isn’t even a choice. Anyways, I wont be a justice warrior just yet. Now one of the protestors grabbed a lady leaving the clinic, a female a little closer to the incident told them off. As she did they started chanting some nonsense. So the lady and other people were now telling the protestors to leave. Before I knew it I was involved, and there was a huge crowd telling them off. I just wanted to check on the girl, make sure she was okay. Someone called the Police, now get this…WE GOT IN TROUBLE! I cant believe it. None of us grabbed anyone, we just told them that they aren’t wanted and shouldn’t they be at work or doing something else with their time. We got warnings, one of the protestors was saying to me “Imagine if you couldn’t have a child and you knew people were terminating theirs” I just couldn’t even respond to her ignorance.

The worst part is they are still there…! So, I wrote a compliant to the council. They are on crown land. I CANT BELIEVE THIS STUFF HAPPENS AND WOMEN THINK ITS OKAY TO DO THIS TO OTHER WOMEN!?!?!?!?!?!

I am sorry, I am so mad. I wish I could even articulate the anguish in that woman’s eyes. I want to send her all the love and light. Xx

Dreams – Big Moon

I keep having all these messages and signs to create a dream list due to the new moon, I have many dreams. I can quite often be a thinker not a doer. My friend once stated “T, you are so full of passion your salvia is made of glitter” and I think that accurately describes me. However, I rarely do what I have planned. Mainly due to hiccups. I had a criminal incident 7 years ago which has caused me to keep a mediocre job until it blows over, 3 years and I am free from a stupid mistake. I am glad of it though, I would have done a million other things, just because I believed they were what would have made “other” people happy, with their perception of success, not so much my own.

So, with the new moon, I want to wish for the following – I know it wont happen immediately and in my dreams I do not wish to hurt or ruin anyone elses chances for their dreams.

  1. To write a book, a book about my childhood, if you cant find the book you want to read, write it. I have started – stories about my childhood, I get stuck sometimes writing it, because there are people that will be hurt of my opinions of them, but fuck them, if they didn’t want me to write about them – they shouldn’t have been so nasty to a child? There is also the book you have to write and the book you can publish – this stops me in my creative writing and can cause me immense turmoil. How do you overcome this?
  2. I want to go to Uni – study literature, become a Literature teacher, woo kids with books. Which in this day and age will be difficult, but I am up for the challenge.
  3. Get fit – in the hooping world, teach kids. I want to teach kids that exercise can be fun, it doesn’t always have to be a chore. This is hard for me, for at times I find hooping class unbearable. My teacher has been hooping for 20 years, so you can imagine what her patience is like. Writing this makes me want to achieve this.
  4. Travel more – TYPICAL; I know! Even just small trips through the year, I want to explore everything
  5. Adopt a puppy or adopt a kid.I have a few health issues that may affect my ability to keep a baby healthy in my womb and for that I would like to adopt, also when I was younger visiting my mum in jail, I always felt terrible for the adopted or fostered kids, they need love to stop the cycle.
  6. Be Happy, This is a hard one, but try to live in the moment – think, yes I am happy right now. Without the assistance of alcohol or drugs, just that bliss when you are reading a great book or having a wonderful deep conversation.
  7. Improve my vocabulary – read and learn as much as you can, retrieve it all. You never know what is out there that can change you, I want to be many different women in my life.
  8. Try new things OFTEN – not once in a while, as often as you can. These things change you and make you who you are.
  9. Build a force of friends to be reckon with, a cheer squad, a squad that will also tell you if you are being a fuckhead.
  10. Get rid of my allergies or find out what is really wrong with me, push for a diagnosis. – This one is hard, because they list what I have under a big umbrella and its not that simple, it will require a lot of my energy and effort and I am unsure if I can be bothered with it. I have to start pushing in the new year.

I know, this stuff sounds a bit weird or off, but its for me and hopefully in a few years I can tick a few off.

New things – trying

I have been trying advanced hooping classes the last few weeks, I was told I am up to that standard? Anyways, it is so hard. so, so hard. I honestly don’t even want to go. The teacher doesn’t show fundamentals before the trick. I keep asking questions, well because I paid for the class, but it is so hard to attend something when the teacher doesn’t have patience, I need to be shown something at least ten times, that is just who I am.

 

What do you worry about?

I worry about the future, about losing my mind. Losing my memories. I worry so much about this, probably too much. I will probably worry myself into losing my thoughts and memories. I would hate to lose my memories, they make up who you are. All the traumatic experiences, all the joys – they are the threads in the product, the material of wh0 you are.

What are you scared of?

What does that say?

So in my work I deal with a lot of jobseekers looking for work and we provide qualifications. It can be hard, for some of them have zero interest in wanting to work, they would happily just keep doing course after course. Not all, but some.

On Friday I had a sign up for some courses that I had to assist with, this guy in the class definitely over 60 wanted to sign up, I went over to him and he reeked of booze. It was only 9am. Anyways, I went up to assist him. He told me that he didn’t even know what course he should sign up to. He then sat there and stared at the keyboard and he looked at me and said, “What the fuck does that even say, Qweeeerty??” I was super confused by what he was saying, I thought he meant the screen, but he meant the keyboard, he was trying to work out what the keyboard said, he thought it was a story he had to read.

Anyways, I don’t think I have ever laughed that hard, I explained it to him, I wasn’t being mean etc, just that I will never be able to look at a keyboard the same again.

My favourite part was when he said “I am too drunk for this”

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