I am beyond awkward.all.the.time

My friends were coming to pick me up last night, they texted me stating they were on there way. By that, I figured they were out the front. (why, i am not fully sure – i assume a lot of things)

I went outside and awaited the car, the first car that pulled up had women in it, I assumed it was my pals. Went up and started laughing, saying “Good Timing, I can’t believe I didn’t have to direct you gals!” That is when I realized it wasn’t my friends. Just some randoms, who were super concerned by me trying to get into their car….

They all got out of their car, ignored my apologies and just pretended that I wasn’t there and it didn’t happen.

I have been replaying those seconds in my head all day and no doubt will for the next week if not the next few years.

Strange sort of nothings

My work is going through the whole downsizing smut, which is about being more cost effective, efficient, bla bla bla. It makes no sense, they have hired “State Managers” which value up to three staff members salary, where is the logic in that decision? It is a sad time for all my coworkers and the people being shafted, must I mention – so close to xmas?

Now, my work often uses the phrase “we are like a family” – ugh. That is exactly what it is like, you have the Uncle/co-worker who is beyond inappropriate, the aunty/boss that shares to much information and the sibling/colleague who is constantly needing attention and affection. And now, they are deciding to “Stop Talking” to the ones that are too difficult.

The issue is, I was promised so much when I started. I was told I would be dealing with things on a national scale, not a state based. I was pretty much become a PA to a whole bunch of people and that is not what I signed up for.

 

 

 

 

Blood dripping Dolls?

The last few weeks there has been protestors outside an abortion clinic near my work, freedom of speech stopped me from intervening. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. (even if it is wrong)

This week there has been loads more than usual, I know being Tuesday the week that to say all week, sounds bit presumptuous but in the last two days it has been crazy busy out the front. Today I noticed they had fake plastic dolls, covered in fake blood with all other gory stuff hanging off their outfits. It was a horrific sight.

I went out to lunch and as a lady was leaving the clinic one of the girls with the fake blood on them went to grab her, to get her to look at them and the sign. Now, I am for abortions, I don’t think there is two kinds of women, like the ones that have abortions and the ones that don’t? I don’t think that’s a thing. I think they are the same women just at very different stages of their life. Sometimes the abortion isn’t even a choice. Anyways, I wont be a justice warrior just yet. Now one of the protestors grabbed a lady leaving the clinic, a female a little closer to the incident told them off. As she did they started chanting some nonsense. So the lady and other people were now telling the protestors to leave. Before I knew it I was involved, and there was a huge crowd telling them off. I just wanted to check on the girl, make sure she was okay. Someone called the Police, now get this…WE GOT IN TROUBLE! I cant believe it. None of us grabbed anyone, we just told them that they aren’t wanted and shouldn’t they be at work or doing something else with their time. We got warnings, one of the protestors was saying to me “Imagine if you couldn’t have a child and you knew people were terminating theirs” I just couldn’t even respond to her ignorance.

The worst part is they are still there…! So, I wrote a compliant to the council. They are on crown land. I CANT BELIEVE THIS STUFF HAPPENS AND WOMEN THINK ITS OKAY TO DO THIS TO OTHER WOMEN!?!?!?!?!?!

I am sorry, I am so mad. I wish I could even articulate the anguish in that woman’s eyes. I want to send her all the love and light. Xx

What do you worry about?

I worry about the future, about losing my mind. Losing my memories. I worry so much about this, probably too much. I will probably worry myself into losing my thoughts and memories. I would hate to lose my memories, they make up who you are. All the traumatic experiences, all the joys – they are the threads in the product, the material of wh0 you are.

What are you scared of?

What does that say?

So in my work I deal with a lot of jobseekers looking for work and we provide qualifications. It can be hard, for some of them have zero interest in wanting to work, they would happily just keep doing course after course. Not all, but some.

On Friday I had a sign up for some courses that I had to assist with, this guy in the class definitely over 60 wanted to sign up, I went over to him and he reeked of booze. It was only 9am. Anyways, I went up to assist him. He told me that he didn’t even know what course he should sign up to. He then sat there and stared at the keyboard and he looked at me and said, “What the fuck does that even say, Qweeeerty??” I was super confused by what he was saying, I thought he meant the screen, but he meant the keyboard, he was trying to work out what the keyboard said, he thought it was a story he had to read.

Anyways, I don’t think I have ever laughed that hard, I explained it to him, I wasn’t being mean etc, just that I will never be able to look at a keyboard the same again.

My favourite part was when he said “I am too drunk for this”

The things I overhear

In my job I deal with welfare recipients looking to find work, most of them are very kind or they just don’t want a job. Sometimes you have people who are third of fourth generation welfare and they do not know what it looks like to have a work life, for they have never seen that life.

As I was assisting a girl in her sign up, another girl came in wanting to sign up to the course. Now keep in mind, these people have never met, they met at this exact moment. The girl I was signing up I’ll refer to as A and the other I’ll refer to as T. I introduced myself to T and the course, A asked T how old she was. It turns out they are the same age. Then all of a sudden it jumps to her boyfriend broke up with her and wants to get back with him so she hangs out with his mum and she believes he will eventually see his way. T than states that she use to date an army guy because of the money and rental assistance. She said he caught her cheating so she is now dating an aboriginal because he gets loads more welfare and she doesn’t have to do anything…what.?!

Keeping in mind, this is ten minutes into their first meeting.

A starts to talk about her “DVD” collection in which she pulls out a photo of her room and she has also drawn them. T also has a photo of her own DVD collection…in which they ask if I have one, I don’t.

They decide that they are going to trick A ex boyfriend into meeting in public and she will force him into a relationship.

 

I signed them both up, I think the next few months will be very interesting.

 

 

 

Hi, I am a big mess.

Today instead of counting my change well in advance before I got to my favorite coffee shop, I ordered my coffee at their counter and gathered my coins that were sporadically strewn through my bag, because today I am clearly reckless.

#anxietylifewins

Image credit: Artist, Yumi Sakugawa

His Galaxy.

“…….Could you please, narrate me?

Utilizing only glitter and rough hands.”

 

-T.M

Today was weird.

Usually I try and be more creative with my subject lines or at least try something a bit different and not give away what my blog is about. I do not have it in me today to change it.

My day started as most Mondays do, getting out of bed groggy eyed, reminiscing the Sunday sleep in and instantly regretting getting out of bed at all. As I am on the train people are also in the sleep walking mode and I love that I don’t have to hear Susan or Katie or some other woman’s name bitching about her friends, coworkers or family for 40 minutes and repeating the same details again and again to the point that you actually feel sorry for her narcissistic ways and daydream about all the scenarios in which you can help her, but you don’t. You just sit there, dreamy eyed half paying attention to the stops because there has been a few too many times in which you have missed your stop.

Now to the weird part, I get off at the right stop and there is someone dressed like a giant Pikachu, obviously something to do with the Pokemon Go craze? But there is no one around them and they are just walking back and forth, not saying anything. I started to see how dirty their costume was and walked very fast in the opposite direction.

I get to work and my manager states within the first ten minutes of me being there: “I have to tell you something but you can’t get mad?” straight away I am mad. I cant stand people telling me how to handle my emotions.(the red head in me takes over) He proceeds to tell me anyways, ignoring my annoyance. Pretty much the short  version is that someone at my work has put in a complaint for me talking to much at work? The crazy thing is, I dont talk much at work. I am always listening to Podcasts and I only talk when asked to? Because there is a huge age gap between my coworkers and I. They tell ‘Ya mumma jokes all day long. Being born after them, I enjoy memes and not repeating the same thing repeatedly. So that was really odd and I am dreading tomorrow when I am around them, mainly because I think I am possibly going to be a child about it. I just dont know how I can stop talking that much that I have been accused when I barely talk at all.

The last odd thing is when I was on my way home from work I got off at my station and this elderly lady pointed at me and called me “Pappa” before I could retaliate this younger lady pulled her away. I have so many questions for this lady.

A)Do I look like a man?

B) Do I look like an elderly man?

C) Should I rethink these glasses?

D) Were you just fucking with me?

The Girls – Emma Cline

I finished this book in two days, wow. It is such an easy read, makes you relive that teenage anguish in a way that I have not felt when reading in a long time. This book is has a strong Charles Mason cult story line. In a different way,  it makes you look at the followers in a different way.

Some of my favourite quotes are as below:

“That was part of being a girl–you were resigned to whatever feedback you’d get. If you got mad, you were crazy, and if you didn’t react, you were a bitch. The only thing you could do was smile from the corner they’d backed you into. Implicate yourself in the joke even if the joke was always on you.”
― Emma Cline, The Girls

“So much of desire, at that age, was a willful act. Trying so hard to slur the rough, disappointing edges of boys into the shape of someone we could love. We spoke of our desperate need for them with rote and familiar words, like we were reading lines from a play. Later I would see this: how impersonal and grasping our love was, pinging around the universe, hoping for a host to give form to our wishes.”
― Emma Cline, The Girls

This book made me cringe so much at my own adolescence years, the yearn to be noticed.